I eated the purple one

meginthecity:

NC, in a story edit: “Reading this paragraph was like trying to skateboard down a hillside of crushed cinderblocks.”

Well it’s no longer Thanksgiving, so here are the things I am NOT thankful for on this the most joyous of November holidays (sorry, International Drum Month and National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. Although I am still a proponent for Beard History Month to fall in November)

Without further ado…things I am not thankful for on Thanksgiving:

• When people call it “Turkey Day.” I hate this.  I don’t know why, it just sounds dumb.  I don’t like turkey that much to name a day after it, let alone go around in public wishing people well by it.  I know there’s a whole movement of people out there who want to make Christmas about Christ and not commercialism.  But I’m here to say fuck that, let’s make Thanksgiving about Thanks and not turkeys.  Baby steps.

• When people say “Happy Turkey Day” and follow it with “Gobble! Gobble!” These people deserve a fate worse than that turkey on the table.

• Social network statuses. Never has there been a holiday used more by people to push how great their family is than Thanksgiving.  If my family were so absolutely fantastic I’d be hanging out with them all day and not bragging to my friends about them on the internet.  I don’t care about how cool your aunt is or how your brother is a genius.  Nor do I want to know “Reason #28524 Why My Mother Is Better Than Yours.” I just don’t get the need people have to do this. Maybe it’s just the medium that lends itself to people talking that way.  Because if you called up your friends on the family landline Thanksgiving Day 1996 and proceeded to list the reasons why your family r-r-r-rocks, that’d make you a wee bit of an asshole.