Our Sages whose Books are their Wives,
May hunt the Philosopher’s Stone,
And be proud of their Continent Lives,
As if that themselves had none.
But if they would come at the Prize,
They ought to be Jolly and drink,
For the true Modern Way to be Wise
Is neither to Read or to Think.
The Blockhead must lose his Aim,
The studies Old Aristotle
For the ways that we rise to Fame,
Are the Petticoat, Dice and Bottle
Thus if you would climb to Pow’r
And be a True Whig of Trust,
Your way is to Drink and Whore,
And neither be Learn’d of Just.
— Edward Ward, The Tipling Philosophers (1710)